Deep Thoughts: Could I survive a zombie apocalypse?

**** Warning – Walking Dead – Spoiler Alert ****
If you have not seen seasons 1 & 2 of the Walking Dead – do not proceed. This blog posts makes reference to a character who has bit it, or rather, has been bit / eaten.

Could I survive a zombie apocalypse?  With flesh eating psychos running around Florida this has become a legitimate question and is no longer the stuff of fiction.  A drug called “bath salts,” a cross between meth and acid, is accused of turning people into flesh eating monsters.  This drug was blamed for an incident in Miami when a 31 year old man, Rudy Eugene, was found chewing the face off a homeless person in May 2012.  Several other flesh eating incidents have also been reported over recent months which people are referring to as “zombie” attacks.  This has me wondering about my falcuty’s and if I’m ready to face the world’s impending doom.

Over the years I have conducted thorough zombie research and picked up the following valued lessons:

1) Keep up your cardio (Zombieland)
2) Always double tap (Zombieland)
3) Don’t look for shelter at your local pub (Shaun of the Dead)
4) Watch out for others who may be hiding bites and scratches (Walking Dead)
5) Stay away from zombie herds which are most likely to be found in the city (Walking Dead)

Since I’m armed with such valued information it seems like I may be in a good position to ward off a zombie attack.  To be certain, I visited the Walking Dead website to take the “which character are you” personality test.  I carefully considered and answered each question only to find, much to my dismay, I’m the old man of the show, aka Dale.  This did not sit well with me, in season 2 his character wandered off into woods and found himself serving up his intestines for zombie dinner.  I had to take the test again and reconsidered my answers thinking perhaps some more violence was in order.  My second attempt resulted in T-Dog a slightly better, yet still undesirable result, this character is flighty and makes stupid mistakes often.  With my third attempt at the personality test I let the zombies have it.  If it came near me I shot it, I acted first, thought later.  The results showed I had turned into a pure psychopath and most closely resembled Shane, a hot-headed cut throat who only has his best interests at heart.

The author of the Walking Dead graphic novels, Rober Kirkman, said in a good zombie story the characters will transform so much throughout the duration you will hardly recognize them in the end.  After my several attempts at this test I have to wonder if the results showed what the evolution of my personality would be in a zombie apocalypse.  To help me come to grips with the fact that I may not survive a zombie attack or may even become one myself some day I’ve created my zombie persona online as seen below:

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Cat Breading – This S*@% ain’t easy

As promised last week, I made an inbread cat attempt.  Inbreading, which involves pushing your cat’s head through a piece of bread, is not to be confused with inbreeding, to breed one’s cat with close relatives.  My first step was to seek out instruction on how to accomplish this endeavor.  It sounded soooo simple:

Cat Breading How To:
1) Take a piece of bread
2) Cut a hole approximately 1 inch larger than your cat’s head. This trips some people up. Remember: the bread has to fit around not just the cat’s head, but it’s ears, too.
3) Gently place the bread around your cat’s head.
4) Take a picture & post it! 

After preparing my bread my next step was to pick my victim.  I have two cats to choose from one is a little aloof and skittish and the other is friendly and offers slightly unconditional love (this is a cat afterall).  You can guess who I chose (evil laugh goes here).  After pushing past my initial guilt, I went for it.  This was no easy task, the instructions said – gently place – the bread on the head; as if she would stay still and just ALLOW this humiliation to occur.  So there I was, chasing my cat around the kitchen with a piece of bread.  Finally, I tired her out and she accepted defeat, I went in for the kill only to have the bread break on me – UHHH.

I went to get a second piece of bread to make another attempt.  She had time to rest up in between and made a dash for it.  After running circles around her and backing her into a corner, I was ready, she was in my sights and we both knew this had to happen.  I tentatively inched the bread toward her watching her eyes grow large and ears push back as I got closer.  At last, I pushed the bread onto her head and there she was looking all irritated in her little bread bonnet.  I got the camera, she made a move – and BLAST IT, the bread broke again – sigh…..  I shall live to bread again another day, for now she can rest easy – just not next to me since she smells a little yeasty.

Action shots of my failed attempt are provided below:

The struggle begins

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More struggle

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Thought I had it then, UHHH – the bread breaks

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Fun In Fitness

I recently started taking a new class at the gym called Latin Fusion (which may be Zumba in disguise). So far it has been blast and has the atmosphere of a dance club rather than a workout. As a newbie, I have safely taken up residence in the back of the room where I won’t suffer the humiliation of tripping all over myself in front of others as I learn the dance moves. This has also given me a better opportunity to observe the other gym goers.  I realized that the front of the class, even though that’s were you have the best view of the instructor, is no place I want to be.  This is where the professional dancers go, meaning they dress the part, whoop and holler, and you have to be able to move in a way that a seizure can’t compete with.  The middle of the class is a somewhat of a safe zone but this is where all the regulars are and you will usually find them in a similar spot in each time.  Yes, for now the back is the safest with the oldies, slackers and other newbies.  I just have to be cautious not to stand next to anther newbie to avoid collisions on turns.

One of the oddities of this class is that there is a wide range of participants from the very old, to very young and there is a healthy participation from both men and women. The instructor is even a male and – believe me ladies – he can put most booty shakin females to shame with his moves. I have even watched this happened since in each class someone will jump up on the instructor platform to challenge him to a dance off only to find themselves shamed in the end.  The music is really loud and current which helps to invoke the hips.  I’m glad I took this class despite my reservations against having a male instructor, this was  a good reminder to mix things up every once a while cause there can be fun in fitness and you never know where you will find it.

If your wondering what Zumba is, check out this video to see a class in action:

Beige Lattice Nails

My nail design of the week features a neutral beige color called Yummy Mummy from the Butter London collection.  This color has quickly become one of my favorite’s of the summer and is perfect for virtually any occasion.  This was a great fit for me this week since I have a work outing and wanted a fun design that was slightly on the conservative side.  To spice up the manicure I created a lattice pattern on the thumb and ring fingers by putting the beige against a white backdrop.  The steps I followed to create this look are provided below:

Supplies needed for this design included: Scissors, nail tape, a dotting tool, beige and white polish.

After applying a base coat and shaping the nails I applied the beige and white colors then let dry

Next, I tapped off the white nails to create my desired lattice effect

I then painted two coats of the beige color over the tapped nail

I quickly removed the tape before the polish could dry.

To break up the harshness of the white lines I used my dotting tool to add beige dots to where the lines intersected

To wrap things up I added a coat of Seche Vite to give it a glassy impenetrable finish and called it a day.

The Trolley Trap

I’ve done my fair share of pub-crawling over the course of the years. In fact I’ve even managed to make “royalty” status for the annual Twelve Bars of X-mas crawl in Chicago. Every now and then I break from my usual crawl circuit and try something new. This weekend some friends and I tried out a Trolley crawl. It seemed like a fun way of going to different bars throughout the city. As with any new experience, people are bound to make mistakes as was the case with what I now refer to as the Trolley trap.

Things were off to a rocky start from beginning when it took me two hours to commute into the city during rush hour. I’m used to the misery of this drive during the week; however, it became really stressful as I watched the minutes ticking by realizing that there was a good chance I was going to miss the trolley which was leaving promptly at 8. By some miracle I was able to arrive on time although was not to thrilled about getting on another form of transportation. The trolley ride itself was ok but I think the key to this whole experience is drinking on the trolley, a grave oversight since we did not think to bring alcohol with us for the ride.

Once we reached the first bar things got a little better and I was able to start to unwind with a beer only to realize that there was really only time for one drink and then we needed to get back on the stupid trolley to reach our next destination. The second leg of the journey was a little more lively as people started to become more conversational; however, I soon realized I was in danger of being accosted by a creepy “rock of ages” drunk guy as I watched him scare off the three girls that sat between him and I. One by one the girls got up and moved to other parts of the trolly squishing into what was left of the available seating space. Sure enough drunk guy moved over to sit by lucky me, the only remaining female on that particular trolley bench. The next 15 minutes of the trolley ride were excruciating to say the least and I could not get off it soon enough.

For the final leg of the journey, we ditched our trolley and hopped on another, something that was very frowned upon by those who had originally chosen that particular trolley. This turned out to be the best trolley ride of all. It could have been the additional drinks we had at the bar or the fact that people were freely giving away beers trying to use up the last of their alcohol but we had a blast. In fact when the trolley reached the last bar we were a little sad to leave to it. Lessons learned here, definitely drink on the trolley and pick your trolley wisely by examining the crowd prior to boarding. In the end, I think I’m a land lover and would rather stumble my way from bar to bar at a leisurely pace instead of being trapped on a trolley and confined to a tight schedule.

Snow White The Bad Ass

During my childhood I would not have imagined that Snow White was the type who would run around the forest mugging people with a band of outlaw dwarfs. Hollywood has taken our fair skinned princess and turned her into a renegade bad ass who prefers kissing the town’s local drunk over the prince. This new portrayal of Snow White has come across in numerous re-invented versions of the story this year seen on both the big screen and television.

The “Mirror Mirror” version crossbreeds Snow White with Robin Hood showing the princess taking up with a merry band of dwarf robbers to steal the people’s money back from the queen. Snow White is no longer the princess who needs to be rescued but rather finds herself rescuing everyone else. A similar scenario plays out in the more pubescent version of the movie “Snow White and the Huntsman.” Snow White escapes the castle with the aid of a widowed drunk who apparently just needs love to set him sober. As in the Mirror Mirror film, Snow White learns to fight and goes up against the queen to win back the kingdom. In the television show “Once Upon A Time” we once again see Snow White as a thieving rebel running wild through the forest where she eventually meets and falls for her prince. In the televised version there are no dwarfs to be found and the alternate reality shows the prince as someone who is already married and has conveniently forgotten about his wife, thanks to a coma, allowing him to fall for Snow.

There may be no harm in the fact that Snow White is being shown as a strong independent woman who battles against the queen. It may not bother anyone that the dwarfs names have been changed from the likes of Sleepy, Happy and Grumpy to Coll, Gurt and Duir or gone missing all together. Perhaps the more realistic take that the “Prince” comes with baggage instead of a crown will better set a little girl’s expectations around what she might encounter in real life. As I continue to see these new versions of the story I’m starting to forget the details of the childhood version. It’s as if the old story isn’t quite good enough for today’s world and is being re-written by recreating it in a new way over and over again and we will soon forget the original.

Here’s a test for your memory, do you recall how the original Snow White story ended? How was the queen’s murderous endeavors put to an end? Following is a link to the children’s story for a refresher:

Children’s version
http://www.childrenstory.info/childrenstories/snowwhiteandthesevendwarfs.html